Okay, pregnant pity party coming on....this "post" is only to encourage others because we can all have an occasional bad day. Today is my day. I'm just puny - nothing has happened - my children are the same, I have not lost my house or car, no family member is sick, my husband is status quo, everything is normal - BUT ME. Today, I didn't want to go to work. I didn't feel like completely putting aside everything I wanted to do to nurture and train two children. Two children that appeared to have been just as happy had I not been there so they could have free rights to play and harass each other. (Why did I chose a 3 day K4 program...oh, I remember, b/c I wanted more time with him and didn't want to rush him and wanted him to have more time with the simple things including but not limited to welcoming his little brother into the world. That's right - I forgot for a moment but I'm glad I remembered!). So today, Ryan wanted it to be a Ryan day. Which really doesn't exist after your first conception but my selfish nature wanted to reign. After making breakfast, I was sweeping the screened porch and had the flashing thought of "hey, I need new tennis shoes". It's been since July of 2005 (you can see how much I love wearing and exercising in them!!) since I got new tennis shoes and these have an ugly orange stripe on them that I've never liked so I had the fleeting thought of "Let's cheer up and go buy some new shoes". But then reality crashed in like a lightening strike to my brain and I said "are you kidding? taking your two beautiful children shopping for you a pair of tennis shoes sounds like punishment - and they need new shoes anyway - if you're going to buy shoes, you might as well buy shoes for them". And it kind of hit me - just in today and just in this moment, I felt like I had lost me. Something as simple as buying tennis shoes had become something else. Something not so fun and something for someone else. I don't HAVE to have new tennis shoes so I will most likely buy Samuel and Stella new tennis shoes instead. Gone are the days where you just pick up, get in the car, and go buy new shoes. Every decision I make for my day (and night) revolves around 3 other peoples schedule and what they need and want to do. Actually, I think my schedule is their schedules. Ryan's schedule = Darrell, Samuel, and Stella's schedule. And, it's all just part of being a mother - you truly give more than 100% of yourself - many times for nothing in return except a smile, or hug or kiss. Which is beautiful but sometimes not always there. So, to all my mommy's out there, I leave you with this......fight the good fight, both day and night, for when it's over, it will all be right.
Nap time is almost over, dinner will need to be done, diapers will need to be changed, soccer practice will happen, baths will be given, teeth will be brushed, stories will be read, prayers will be said, and we'll start all over again tomorrow and I will be thankful for it all.
"In the will of God, there is no higher, holier calling than to be a wife and mother
(Titus 2:4-5).
For a wife and mother, no career, no hobby, no relationship, no priority is more important. A job outside the home may offer greater affirmation and produce more visible and immediate results. But to make a home, to be united with a man in glorifying God on this earth, to nurture and tend the lives of children, to train and mold the next generation to deny oneself and lay down one's life on behalf of others - there is no higher calling and no greater joy."
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2 comments:
hang in there, sweet dear. being a mom can be very tiring...there are no days off, even when you are 9 months pregnant! and don't we all long for at least one day to be just for us?? to not accomodate someone else? hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. get a good night's sleep.
ahhhh....a good nights sleep - that's also something to accomplish 9 months pregnant!! :)
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