A bad day...but I'm not done.

Okay, pregnant pity party coming on....this "post" is only to encourage others because we can all have an occasional bad day. Today is my day. I'm just puny - nothing has happened - my children are the same, I have not lost my house or car, no family member is sick, my husband is status quo, everything is normal - BUT ME. Today, I didn't want to go to work. I didn't feel like completely putting aside everything I wanted to do to nurture and train two children. Two children that appeared to have been just as happy had I not been there so they could have free rights to play and harass each other. (Why did I chose a 3 day K4 program...oh, I remember, b/c I wanted more time with him and didn't want to rush him and wanted him to have more time with the simple things including but not limited to welcoming his little brother into the world. That's right - I forgot for a moment but I'm glad I remembered!). So today, Ryan wanted it to be a Ryan day. Which really doesn't exist after your first conception but my selfish nature wanted to reign. After making breakfast, I was sweeping the screened porch and had the flashing thought of "hey, I need new tennis shoes". It's been since July of 2005 (you can see how much I love wearing and exercising in them!!) since I got new tennis shoes and these have an ugly orange stripe on them that I've never liked so I had the fleeting thought of "Let's cheer up and go buy some new shoes". But then reality crashed in like a lightening strike to my brain and I said "are you kidding? taking your two beautiful children shopping for you a pair of tennis shoes sounds like punishment - and they need new shoes anyway - if you're going to buy shoes, you might as well buy shoes for them". And it kind of hit me - just in today and just in this moment, I felt like I had lost me. Something as simple as buying tennis shoes had become something else. Something not so fun and something for someone else. I don't HAVE to have new tennis shoes so I will most likely buy Samuel and Stella new tennis shoes instead. Gone are the days where you just pick up, get in the car, and go buy new shoes. Every decision I make for my day (and night) revolves around 3 other peoples schedule and what they need and want to do. Actually, I think my schedule is their schedules. Ryan's schedule = Darrell, Samuel, and Stella's schedule. And, it's all just part of being a mother - you truly give more than 100% of yourself - many times for nothing in return except a smile, or hug or kiss. Which is beautiful but sometimes not always there. So, to all my mommy's out there, I leave you with this......fight the good fight, both day and night, for when it's over, it will all be right.
Nap time is almost over, dinner will need to be done, diapers will need to be changed, soccer practice will happen, baths will be given, teeth will be brushed, stories will be read, prayers will be said, and we'll start all over again tomorrow and I will be thankful for it all.

"In the will of God, there is no higher, holier calling than to be a wife and mother

(Titus 2:4-5).

For a wife and mother, no career, no hobby, no relationship, no priority is more important. A job outside the home may offer greater affirmation and produce more visible and immediate results. But to make a home, to be united with a man in glorifying God on this earth, to nurture and tend the lives of children, to train and mold the next generation to deny oneself and lay down one's life on behalf of others - there is no higher calling and no greater joy."

My Birthday

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday - one of my favorites. I had a breakfast that my Mom, Samuel and Darrell all helped make - breakfast usually at our house consists of yogurt, cereal or cheese toast but on Mommy's birthday we had sausage, egg, biscuit casserole and a fresh fruit medley!! Seriously gourmet for our house on a Monday morning and I didn't even cook it!! If that wasn't enough love, Samuel and my mom made me a (from scratch) yellow cake with chocolate (also from scratch) frosting. It is delicious - all 3 layers.
Darrell and I had dinner at the Melting Pot which took a good 2.5 hours which was all glorious unto it's own. And then we drove home (the long way) with our windows down, listening to great music, me reflecting on another year that God has graciously given me, and feeling relatively young with my hair blowing in my face singing Alabama's "Close Enough to Perfect for Me". Which upon listening to the words, I related to very much last night. I am SO imperfect and still a work in progress - but perfect "enough" at the same time. God is working in my life continuously from year to year - and it's amazing how much growth continues to happen. Every birthday that passes, I have more and more to be thankful for - a God that loves me unfailingly no matter how many times I fail Him and no matter how imperfect I am. He still loves me and wants His best for me each day. I am praying for another year to grow in Christ, to love my husband, and to love and train my children. And hopefully in God's sovereign plan, I will be blogging next year with new birthday memories and prayers of thankfulness.
Just to humor yourself - this is the chorus to Alabama's "Close Enough to Perfect for Me"
Chorus: She kisses me each morning, And smiles her sleepy smile, And she don't have to say it, I can see it in her eyes. Don't you worry about my woman, Or what you think she ought to be', Cause she's close enough to perfect for me.
But more importantly-
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count. Psalm 40:5

"The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down." Psalm 145:14

Three with brown hair, one with blue eyes, two with brown eyes,




two with the same smile, two with the same nose,





three with hearts that beat for eachother.

Solomon: A Lesson Learned

This is the first time in over 8 days I've had a chance to sit down undisturbed and write....puppies are very time consuming. As I'm listening to the washing machine spin on the last cycle of towels and rugs that Solomon left sweet puddles on, I'm wishing I didn't have to learn lessons the hard way. After putting Macey to sleep, I found myself with a void that I tried to impress on the whole family. When reality was that no one wanted a dog but me - which practically I already knew. I also knew it would be hard and tiresome AND a lot of trouble but I feel very strongly about my children growing up with a pet (and I do mean more than a fish) and I knew I had enough love to go around. However, what I did forget is that puppies have LOTS of energy (even more than Stella)!! After day 4, Solomon quit taking naps and wanted to play with anything and everything that moved - this included little toes and fingers. I realized quickly that I was disciplining the puppy more than my own two children. Puppies are hard work.

The next time "I" decide we're ready to get a puppy, I want my children to be old enough to be able to keep their shoes off the floor as well as their toys so the new family friend doesn't eat them; I don't want to be carrying a child in my uterus so that when I do bend down to clean up accidental puppy puddles, I don't make a funny noise in the process; I want Samuel to embrace the dog instead of running thru the house yelling "He's going to get me"; and I want it to be a family decision instead of a Mommy decision.

My sweet husband is so much wiser than me. He has allowed me more grace through this than I should have been allowed. He loves me despite my childish needs and wants. He never once said "I told you so" and even returned Solomon for me. He loves me and I him. It amazes me how God put us together - we are opposite in so many ways which does cause the occasional strife but how incomplete we would both be with out the other to iron out the rough spots.

So as I sit in peace and quiet (while S & S are taking naps) for the first time in over a week, with still a broken heart over missing yet another canine, I still smile and find joy in the man that God gave to me as my "beloved" - for I am deeply and truly loved and for this I am thankful.